Showin' Your Crazy (emphasis on the Your not to be be confused with You're like you are)

Longest title ever. I believe that in everyone of us we harbor some "crazy". It's our own, it's different for everyone; sometimes it's quirky and endearing and sometimes it's just your everyday run-of-the-mill crazy. But we've all got it, it's just a matter of when and how much of your particular "crazy" you are going to show at any given time. That being said...

The thing about "showin' your crazy" is that it often makes you eat your words, which sometimes makes me blush a little from embarrassment.

As you may recall I was writing the other day about the villainous ovulation tests. Well turns out they actually did their job...or did I just scare them into submission? (something to think about people- oops there goes my crazy showin' again). So I was totally frustrated last Thursday. I didn't want to try to pee on the stick again (notice I said try because I'm not so good at doing it). I'd like to mention here that I also bought the generic kind because I had already used all of the good ones (you know the ones with the replacement caps so you don't have to look at the pee stick) because Dr. W's nurse told me to start testing on a day that I thought (and was right, HA!) was an entire week early. So I had used all the good ones and the generic ones work but for some reason they took wayyyyyy longer to show any kind of reading. As I was saying, I was grumpy about testing but I did it and waited a little bit. Nothing. I figured I had missed the mark (if you know what I mean) because the test line hadn't even appeared by then. Now even more perturbed because I felt like I just wasted a tester stick I left it sitting there (on a paper towel I want to mention) and went to take a shower. I actually forgot about it but went back in there to get something

and I suddenly saw this ☟

I know I'm a dork for taking a picture of it... but you just gotta love me anyway!

I was shocked. Something had actually happened?! Could it be that I was really ovulating (or would be in what the box said a regulation 24-36 hours)? I was really excited. And something I have to share is why I was so excited. Yes, I want to have a baby but, for me up to now, it has been more about not feeling like my body was doing what it was supposed be doing. Like I'm broken or something. That's been the most frustrating thing at least up to this point. We are still relatively early on in this journey and I realize that my feelings on our state of things will continue to develop but in this moment all I want(ed) to do was to feel normal... whatever normal is, but that's a different subject. That is why it particularly exciting for me. My body for like once, EVER, appeared to be doing what it should be doing.

Now we are in that weird two week waiting period. Again this is the first "legitimate" month for us trying, as in trying while ovulating- and knowing it. So we'll see. I'm keeping my expectations really low. Positive but low-key. Hopeful but not naive.

That's what's going on around here. I had a truly awful night yesterday. But God granted me another day to get up, walk around, breathe in and out, laugh, smile and love those in my life... and for that I am thankful.

We have a regional staff retreat tomorrow. To put it mildly I'm not looking forward to going at all (there are reasons and if you knew them all I think you would agree) but I shall go and retreat like a good little girl.

Later!