Just Take My Blood Already!

So I'm still bleeding. It's somewhere between spotting and a light period. Yesterday it was more like a beginning period though. I finally got ahold of the Dr.'s office at about 1pm yesterday. Ya first thing in the morning my ass! Anyway, Nurse T said that Dr. W wanted me to come in and do blood work. She said they were going to do a CBC, Progesterone, HCG and FSH tests. So I dragged my nauseous, freaked out body out of bed and took a quick shower (because I hadn't in a while). Then I took myself directly to the Dr.'s office. I made great time by the way. When I got there they took me back pretty quickly but then...I had to wait...and wait...and wait.

I guess it's sort of my fault or at least the fault of my veins because every time I go there to have my blood drawn I have to have special measures taken (have to lay down, use special needles etc.). I apparently have small, deep veins and the girl who normally takes the blood can't do mine and the first time she tried I freaked her out to the point where she has never attempted it again. Which is TOTALLY fine with me. I hate being mutilated by people who can't find a vein. So this nice nurse of another doctor, that I have now befriended, is my designated Vampire. Things were swamped in there, hence the waiting. So I'm sitting there waiting for Nice Nurse Vampire to come attend to me, sad and bleeding while about 100 pregnant women paraded in front of me. They were in various stages of pregnancy. They were getting their blood pressure taken, weight charted, drinking that supposedly gross drink to measure blood glucose. And I just sat there with my head down bleeding... and waiting.

The only thing that made it better was that Nurse Vampire did a great job and she was sooooo very sweet and sensitive with me. I then got up and dragged myself home.

Now I'm sitting here waiting to call the doctor's office because I don't want to seem like a psycho but I really want to call. And as much as I want to call I also don't want to know what's going on. Living in denial is easy; living in a constant state of the unknown is unbearable for me. I'm worried that the test results will be inconclusive or negative. I don't know that anything that is said at this point is "bad" or "good" it just is. I know we'll move forward with more knowledge and insight about my cycle and body. But this has just sucked. I know it's not true, I know it's still really early in our fertility journey but I still feel like I'm letting my people down. But I know that's not true. Note: A lot of I knows in that paragraph. I suppose I'm needing to reassure myself today more than usual.

So I guess I'm gonna call.

Update: I called and they said they didn't have the lab work back and that Nurse T would call me when they came in. They totally think I'm a crazy person. Oh well... I am what I am and right now I feel a bit wacky.