I Did Not Retreat.

Nope, no retreat for me. Which considering my bad attitude about it the other day you might think was a good thing. Ya, except for the fact that the reason I didn't go is because I was so very sick. I woke up on Wednesday at 4:30am and became intimate with the porcelain throne. It was stomach cramps and intense nausea. the cramps subsided but the nausea progressed throughout the day. I felt like I was sea sick. So needless to say I did not make the 2 hour trip to go on the retreat. In fact I slept most of the day. I started to feel better in the late afternoon and evening. I slept pretty well last night but woke up this morning feeling queasy. I tried to go back to sleep and when I woke up it wasn't as intense. It has been with me off and on today but it's been tolerable. Anyway that's been my last two days. Hope you have been well!

Later!!!

Showin' Your Crazy (emphasis on the Your not to be be confused with You're like you are)

Longest title ever. I believe that in everyone of us we harbor some "crazy". It's our own, it's different for everyone; sometimes it's quirky and endearing and sometimes it's just your everyday run-of-the-mill crazy. But we've all got it, it's just a matter of when and how much of your particular "crazy" you are going to show at any given time. That being said...

The thing about "showin' your crazy" is that it often makes you eat your words, which sometimes makes me blush a little from embarrassment.

As you may recall I was writing the other day about the villainous ovulation tests. Well turns out they actually did their job...or did I just scare them into submission? (something to think about people- oops there goes my crazy showin' again). So I was totally frustrated last Thursday. I didn't want to try to pee on the stick again (notice I said try because I'm not so good at doing it). I'd like to mention here that I also bought the generic kind because I had already used all of the good ones (you know the ones with the replacement caps so you don't have to look at the pee stick) because Dr. W's nurse told me to start testing on a day that I thought (and was right, HA!) was an entire week early. So I had used all the good ones and the generic ones work but for some reason they took wayyyyyy longer to show any kind of reading. As I was saying, I was grumpy about testing but I did it and waited a little bit. Nothing. I figured I had missed the mark (if you know what I mean) because the test line hadn't even appeared by then. Now even more perturbed because I felt like I just wasted a tester stick I left it sitting there (on a paper towel I want to mention) and went to take a shower. I actually forgot about it but went back in there to get something

and I suddenly saw this ☟

I know I'm a dork for taking a picture of it... but you just gotta love me anyway!

I was shocked. Something had actually happened?! Could it be that I was really ovulating (or would be in what the box said a regulation 24-36 hours)? I was really excited. And something I have to share is why I was so excited. Yes, I want to have a baby but, for me up to now, it has been more about not feeling like my body was doing what it was supposed be doing. Like I'm broken or something. That's been the most frustrating thing at least up to this point. We are still relatively early on in this journey and I realize that my feelings on our state of things will continue to develop but in this moment all I want(ed) to do was to feel normal... whatever normal is, but that's a different subject. That is why it particularly exciting for me. My body for like once, EVER, appeared to be doing what it should be doing.

Now we are in that weird two week waiting period. Again this is the first "legitimate" month for us trying, as in trying while ovulating- and knowing it. So we'll see. I'm keeping my expectations really low. Positive but low-key. Hopeful but not naive.

That's what's going on around here. I had a truly awful night yesterday. But God granted me another day to get up, walk around, breathe in and out, laugh, smile and love those in my life... and for that I am thankful.

We have a regional staff retreat tomorrow. To put it mildly I'm not looking forward to going at all (there are reasons and if you knew them all I think you would agree) but I shall go and retreat like a good little girl.

Later!

Waiting... waiting on the world to change.

Hubs was reading his devotion last night and he decided to share it with me. Now I'm going to share some of it with you. I think he was trying to encourage me about something. Hmm... wonder what it could be...

David was good at waiting. He said, "I waited quietly before God, for my salvation comes from him" (Ps. 62:1). Waiting "before God" suggests waiting in a particular place in a particular posture. It is waiting in an attitude of worship and dependence rather than hanging around hoping something will happen. Waiting before God involves actively focusing upon who he is and what he is doing in the world while waiting for his answers to arrive.

{People} who are used to being in control of their own lives, and the lives of others, find waiting before God particularly difficult. They will tell you that "time is money," and while they are supposed to be waiting they expect answers to be forthcoming. But David and come to the point of admitting that he could not fix his problem- "so many enemies against one man"(62:3). He knew that his only hope was in the Lord's intervention.

God works at his own pace and in his own way. No amount of impatience will alter the speed or the manner in which God will work out his purposes. So when the only direction you can turn is to the Lord, and the only way to look is up, remember to wait before him as you wait for him. He will act. And don't be impatient, because his clock keeps perfect time.

Thanks so much for your support! I appreciate your kind words or sense of humor!

Later you patient people.

I'm grumpy!

There's really no other way to say it. I'm feeling grumpy and moody. It's all due to those blasted little sticks. I'm still peeing on those darn sticks. Not one has even looked close to saying, "Yes, you are ovulating!" Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. I fancy myself a relatively patient person but these ovulation tests seem to be pushing me. Now I know that they are inanimate objects and I realize how silly it sounds but sometime I feel like they have it in for me. Like they're trying to trick me. Like, "Ha, we got her, she really is ovulating but are we gonna tell her? NO! Hold steady troops and don't show your line." Don't worry I have not gone looney toons. I'm just saying sometimes this baby making process takes a toll on a sane girl's psyche.

Sorry I'm grumpy. Don't let my grumpy spread to you. I pray you are weathering your own particular journey well.

Later because it's time to make a trip to the bathroom to duke it out with the enemy.

Semi-Charmed Kind of Life

Ok, so I dropped off the face of the earth for a while. Do I have a good excuse you are wondering to yourself...? No I don't. All I can offer is that life feels kind of weird right now. Not bad, just weird. I've been feeling like my life is transitioning and it's kind of leaving me feeling odd. Sort of stuck. Like, I'm ready to move forward and to hit the next stage (such as having a baby, staying home, pretending to be more domestic) but I'm stuck. So while my heart and mind are ready to move on my actual life and circumstance haven't caught up. I want it to catch up- CATCH UP LIFE!!!

Sorry you had to witness my brief tantrum. I do actually lead what is more than a Semi-Charmed Kind of Life. Not like the actual song talks about, more in the sense that I'm blessed in a whole lot of ways I'm not going to bore you with now. Oh yeah, and Semi-Charmed Kind Of Life- the actual song is on my mind because I had a guitar lesson tonight with my friend (we'll call him Vroom) and Vroom played it several times as he was showing me chord progressions. So naturally it's stuck in my head.

Chorus Lyrics:

I want something else

To get me through this

Semi-charmed kind of Life

Baby, Baby

I want something else

I'm not listening when you say

Good-bye

Vroom is seriously brilliant. He can play like every instrument. Knows music theory inside and out. Can teach in a way that is accessible, easy to comprehend and yet challenging. Plus He went to some super braintastic school in Upstate New York. Can you tell that I think pretty highly of him. He's a quality person, which can be hard to find- in a friendly way I totally mean. Semi-Interesting fact though, I actually had a major crush on him wayyyy back in the day but it never developed any further than that except for the excellent friendship we have formed. So yes, ultimately we were meant to be great friends and I'm totally lucky because we are and he and Hubs are good friends too. They are actually in the living room watching the basketball game together right now. Whooping and Hollering and Cheering.

Just to update you friends on what is going on with Baby Quest 2008. The Metformin helped me regulate my cycle as I mentioned before. I still can't believe it did it so quickly! So Dr. W instructed me to keep taking the Met and to get ready to start Ovulation Testing on the 9th- YA- April 9th- WEDNESDAY!!! Yipes! This will be my first time working with an Ovulation Predictor kit. It all seems so real. While I'm excited to be making progress on that front I must admit that I truly dislike peeing on sticks. It has to do with the fact that I'm not very good at it. But who knows maybe during the next week I'll get better at it. I know that when I do get pregnant I will be required to pee on or in things regularly! Dr. W said to test from the 9th-12th and whenever I get a positive on ovulation to "have sex as much as possible." Ummm as much as possible. That just sounds daunting. But I'm up for the challenge and I know it don't have to do it like 10 times a day. I'm just excited and anxious because this is my first month actually trying like this. I'm sure soon enough it could become not only old hat but a thorn in my side. So I'll do what I can to and the rest is up to God and His timing for our family.

That's all for now. I wish you sweet dreams and a lovely day tomorrow and that your life be more than just Semi-Charmed!

Later!